Before I begin, there are a few things you should probably know about me:
- I organize my underwear drawer. After removing my clothes from the dryer, each pair is carefully folded before being placed in the appropriate pile based on style, fabric, and color. Yes. My underwear is organized by color.
- My bathroom trash can is for aesthetic purposes only. Should you choose to use it for actual garbage, it will be emptied almost immediately.
- I have five email addresses, each containing a minimum of 50 labels into which I organize the multitude of messages I receive throughout the day (for those of you who don’t use Gmail, think of labels as folders).
The reason I share these points is to attempt to illustrate the plethora of systems I have built in an effort to organize my everyday existence, systems that should be regarded as observable manifestations of my larger obsession with stability. Yes, it might sound a bit neurotic (because it is), but I have been operating this way since I was six years old and searching for the perfect way to display my stuffed animals.
Recently, I made the decision to venture out on my own – a choice that is riddled with instability. Bi-weekly paychecks? Health insurance? A 401k? With this one decision, they instantly became things of the past. Hours became varied and unpredictable (likely to fluctuate in tandem with my emotional state), and it’s no longer possible to define myself by my job title or salary range.
You would think that my Type A personality would be vehemently protesting, that every atom of my being would be screaming for me to create order out of the chaos – but it’s not. Yes, my aforementioned systems are still in place, but for the first time in a long time, I feel genuinely at peace. I’m enjoying the quiet that comes to my neighborhood after 9:30am. I’m reveling in the freedom to choose my own projects, to partner with innovative minds from other industries. In a strange twist, these seemingly inconsequential options have overrode my need for control – enough, at least, that I know how important it is for me to explore it further.
So here I am. I am bound to encounter a multitude of threats to this newfound independence, but I have made the decision to prioritize my own happiness, and through any means necessary, I will preserve this state of serenity.